Watch Me Piece Me Together

Wake up alone, go to bed alone. Once in your life find a space in this world that is completely yours. Live alone.

Solitude, when chosen — not forced, not imposed — will reflect the essence of the human experience.

Wake up alone, go to bed alone. Make your bed for no one but you. Clean your home for no one but you. Pick up your laundry, find a place for your shoes. Feel the true weight of deciding a resting place for every body in the room. There is unbridled power in placement. And displacement.

If per chance you do not find a place for your shoes you will trip over them the next morning. In this case, do not hold back from screaming. It doesn’t matter if it is at the shoe, or at yourself, or at the universe at large. Release your voice. You are starting to speak to yourself, for your ears only. Notice how completely it fills your surroundings. Listen, you inner monologue has a voice now. It’s yours. It has always been yours. Try to remember that when that voice has something cruel to say.

Cook for no one but you. Make breakfast. Make meals. Make risky decisions on the menu. Give yourself the world you always laboured to give others. Cook for no one else but you, and cook all the way through. Do not give up on the floor and chew through the ingredients raw. Do not shy away from plating like you would for a friend you love. You are your friend you love. Revel in the delicious selfishness of beautifying your surroundings for your eyes only. Eat it all, waste nothing. Eat if it is burnt, eat if it is undercooked. Eat your little heart out.

Go out. Come back home. Always. You might be inclined to believe that there is no one to come back home to, but you are wrong. You’ve always had someone to come home to. You. Come back home to yourself, please.

Wash your face. Put on your night cream. Drink a large glass of water. Turn off the lights. Tuck yourself in. Lay with yourself. Caress, if you like. You have made your way, after a long day, back into your arms. Lay there. Forgive yourself for everything. Realise that this body was the only home you ever needed. Promise yourself a kinder tomorrow. Promise to forgive yourself, again and again — everyday.

Realise that you are so alone. But everyone is alone. But you — right here, right now — are happy alone.