This one is my dear, lovely writers — hanging in the balance of living their realities and recounting their realities. May your big little hearts find peace.
You will often find yourself on the cusp of wanting to experience everything and wanting to remember everything. I find that dilemma, which by the way lasts you your whole life, is the burden a writer carries. Some say the art of this kind of biographical writing is an anthropological process. and in that it is a nobel pursuit. To want to document that which you lived and that which you knew to be true.
But what of the part of you that is a live wire fury of lager than life emotions and an urge to stay true to them — the part of you that scoffs at this greed for memory, for material. The part that takes pride in one fact, and one fact alone — that she is authentic, she is true, committed event to this moment — to everything around her that demands her curiosity.
But if you don’t work, create, write today — begin this journey of memories your future self will find itself feeling betrayed. Because she — well she too is a connoisseur of every moment just like you and she would like to know exactly how you felt in this moment. She would like to build herself this foundation of anecdotal memories and references and touch and feel and the light that shines bright. Some call it intuition. Your labour of documentation feeds her intuition — it makes her who she is to become. She will want to know what happened, what hurt, what left, what stayed — why. Most days thats really all she wants to know. Why.
The other part of you — the one that demands you to be right here and no where else requires you to know that human memory is fickle anyway and there is a larger, collective memory that is recording anything significant happening to you.
So on this cusp of a deep labour of words that serves your future self and enables the memory your intuition draws upon, and a mindfulness that could very well be the only chance at happiness if we ever had one — who do you choose?
It is a difficult choice, but there is one thing that could potentially make this choice easier for you — you don’t have to make the same choice each time. Recognize the world of multitude that lives within you and allow yourself to change your own mind, that’s the only way I imagine that we can continue to be both — writers and human.